I just saw the movie. Yeah I know I’m kinda late, but I was busy. Anyway, here’s some stuff I noted.

1.  Voldemort isn’t too smart with his whole “staying alive” strategy. If you’re the most dangerous dark wizard, why don’t you carry a horcrux on you? Can’t you stick one of them in your pocket or something? Wouldn’t that make you so much harder to kill?

Having Nagini as a horcrux didn’t make much sense either. If I knew the snake was my last horcrux, wouldn’t I teleport it away from the battlefield? Wouldn’t that make me invincible as I’m fighting at Hogwarts?

And if you HAD to imprint yourself on a living animal, why not choose something smart like a dolphin? Snakes are reptiles that lack a neocortial brain. Nagini’s logic (or lack thereof) was seen when she decided to go for Hermione and Ron (2 random kids that were throwing rocks at her) instead of Harry. All of a sudden she gets killed by Clive Owen 2.0.*

2. Wait, Harry had one of the Deathly Hallows the whole time? Why didn’t anyone say anything about it? If Ron knew the story of the Deathly Hallows and knew about the invisibility cloak, why didn’t he tell Harry in the first book that he had an ultimate weapon? Even when they (I think it was Snape) finds it near the beginning of the series, he’s like “oh cool, an invisibility cloak” instead of “oh shit, THE invisibility cloak”. He’s just like “oh yeah cool I have one of these. Is this one made in China too? Where’s the tag? Oh, Honduras. Nice. Where the hell is Honduras?”**

3. I can’t stop laughing at the hug. You know, when Voldemort hugs Draco. It’s so awkward. It’s obviously the first hug he’s ever given anyone in his life. Reminds me of our first kisses in high school (or for those of you who weren’t nerds, middle school).***

4. I think it’s safe to say that most people know who Helena Bonham Carter is. Anyone who has seen Fight Club, Sweeney Todd, The King’s Speech, Tim Burton movies in general, etc can agree that she has enhanced the movie to some degree. She’s a pretty big name, right? Hell, her name comes 4th in the credits (after Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson, respectively).

Then why does she get 30 seconds of screen time? Did anyone see the logic in that? David Yates is not exactly a new director. He knows his stuff. Can you imagine getting a big American name like Tom Hanks and having him be one henchman in an action movie who appears on screen for 5 seconds before getting gunned down by the hero?

Weird to you? Weird to me too.

5. Why can’t we shoot Voldemort? I had wondered this as a kid and concluded that being a wizard meant you cast some spell on yourself protecting yourself from physical harm (I was 12, cut me some slack). I mean, why else would people use wands instead of guns to kill, right? Then Dobby dies…to a knife. So I’ve concluded that wizards are NOT immune to physical harm. Why no guns? I’m gonna assume a fast wizard can cast one avada kedavra per second. An AK-47 casts 10 per second. Just sayin…the last battle probably should have looked a little more like a round of Black Ops.

6. How exactly does Harry come back to life again? I don’t remember what the book said about it, since I read it 4 years ago. I was under the impression that avada kedavra killed you, not knock you out for a few seconds and exorcise you of demons. If anyone could clear this part out for me, that would be great.

7. I still chuckle at the notion: Snape dies as a 40 year old virgin. Yep.****

8. Why are parents still sending their kids to Hogwarts? Didn’t like a bajillion kids just get massacred there? Remember how deserted Columbine was after 15 people died? Now multiply that by a thousand. Why would you send your kids to a school where half the kids die? Isn’t that irresponsible? If my parents wanted to send me to Hogwarts after the Battle of Hogwarts, I’d call social services. Can’t you send them to Beauxbatons or Durmstang or something? There are other wizard schools with less death and ghosts.
“Mommy, there are ghosts here!”
“Don’t worry honey, ghosts are part of the Hogwarts experience. I’m sure they’ll be nice to you.”
“No, seriously. There are a FUCKLOAD of ghosts. I think there are more ghosts than living people. It’s seriously freaking me out.”

9. Speaking of ghosts, does Voldemort come back as a ghost too? Why not? Everyone else seems to. Because if Harry ruined my shot at ruling the world forever, I know who I would haunt for eternity.
“Trying to sleep, Harry? Want to get ready for work tomorrow? Well TOO BAD!”
“Dude, seriously. Can’t you go read a book or something?”
“NO! I’m gonna sing Bohemian Rhapsody in your ear ALL NIGHT LONG! And worse: I’m gonna screw up the lyrics! Beelzebub has a devil set aside for you!”

 

 

Maybe I’m just looking too deeply into it.

 

* No, seriously. http://cheezburger.com/View/4227378688

**I’ve narrowed it down to either Africa or South America.

***And to those of you that really like World of Warcraft, well…

**** “Yeah, I did her. She felt like…Floo powder. Bags of floo powder.”
“Severus, what are you talking about? Wait…are you…?”
“Shut up! Everybody shut up!” *disapparates*